In the middle of the night I venture downstairs with the intention of making a salami sandwich as a midnight snack. I have not eaten in several days and am dismayed to discover that my fridge-freezer has broken and all my food is now rotten.
I must buy a new one and so make a trip to the local refrigerator shop. I am looking for a big, tall one as, although I live alone and rarely eat I hope that a tall fridge may help to intimidate potential burgulars. After searching for several hours I find a suitable appliance tucked away in a dark, dusty corner of the shop. The assistant tells me it is a very good fridge.
I take it home and fill it with all manner of perishable goods but then do not visit it for another month and a half. To my surprise I find that all the food remains as fresh as the day it was bought. I take an apple and close the door for another month. When I open it again the food remains fresh.
It is at this point that I realise this fridge has the power to completely stop the ageing process. I have always been extremely interested in what the future holds and so I abandon my current work and throw myself wholeheartedly into this new project. I empty the fridge of all food, shelving and compartments, put some books in and then climb in myself.
For several years I remain sat in my fridge. As I am a slow reader the books keep me well entertained.
One day however I become alarmed as I can feel my fridge begin to move. I sit and listen as two men shuffle it out of my house and seemingly into a van. I try to move but discover that as I have been sat in one place for so long my joints have completely seized up. I can make a feeble ’uh’ sound but that is all and is pretty useless as the men have the radio on loud.
I do not recognise the song that is playing as I have been sat in a fridge for many years and am a little out of touch.
They drive for a while and then the fridge, with me in it, is lifted up before falling, crashing a long way to the ground. I surmise that we have been taken to the tip. I am left there forever with the kind of people who tried to climb into their television to join in and those who have tried to keep themselves warm in the microwave.