Matthew went for an operation to reduce the size of his head. He had always felt self conscious when he was unable to wear hats or when he struggled to fit through doors.
The surgeons were working to the fruit scale. “Just say when,” they instructed and began the shrinking. It was not an unpleasant feeling. Soon Matthew’s head was smaller than a watermelon and he was enjoying the process. Pineapple, mango, orange, his head got smaller as Matthew was lost in the pleasure of the procedure. When he finally said, “when,” his head was the size of a grape. Unsure that this was what he wanted he thanked them anyway and left, feeling a surge of joy as he exited the hospital through the front door without any problems.
The operation may have solved his troubles with doors but he was no closer to wearing a hat. Worse was to come. His mouth was now just millimetres wide and to eat enough food to fuel his six foot/twelve stone body he had to eat tiny pieces of food almost non-stop throughout the day. He lifted his pet hamster Vicky up to his face and she looked huge when viewed through his tiny grape eyes. There was something strange about being six foot tall and yet having smaller eyes than a hamster.
Matthew rang up to complain: “I’m not happy with my new head.”
The hospital apologised but explained that there was nothing they could do for two years until the head had ‘settled’ for fear of ‘warping.’ Unable to change his head Matthew decided to just get on with it. Having a head the size of a grape wouldn’t be so awful. So he would lose a little weight, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
It all came to a head one night when he had Vicky out of her cage. She was innocently running over his hands as she always had done. Over his hands, up his arms, onto his shoulder and then… the next thing Matthew knew Vicky had pounced, mistaking his head for a fruity treat. She attacked it with her tiny hamster teeth and Matthew blacked out.
He spent three months in intensive care. No one dared bring him any grapes.