The Yellow Tale Of Walter The Melon

This morning I awoke and dressed in blue – blue trousers, tie, jumper, socks.  It just felt like a day to wear blue.  So, whilst I was wearing all this blue I thought I would post up a story I wrote a couple of years ago about all things yellow.

There was a lovely big, round and yellow sun hanging in the sky when Walter the Melon got up to check his post one morning.  A smile spread across his big yellow face when he realised that his post that morning was a present from his friend Jenny.  Jenny lived far away where there was less yellow but then since Walter had found the most yellow place imaginable to live, obviously no one else could live there.  He was secretly jealous of Jenny because her name had a Y in it.  Y was the first letter of his favourite colour, yellow, and it was one of his biggest regrets that his name did not contain a Y.  Some time ago he had experimented with being called Waltery but it hadn’t really caught on.

He became almost orange with excitement when he opened the yellow parcel to find inside a lovely yellow plastic spade.  It sparkled with newness in the sun and Walter thought about how he could use it to dig up the ground to plant his sunflowers or daffodils later that day.  Walter was very happy with his present and he decided to sit and relax in the sun for the rest of the morning and read an Italian detective novel (otherwise known as a ‘gialla’, or ‘yellow’ – to represent fear).  When he had finished his book he decided that it was time for lunch.  He decided that after lunch he would go round to see his friend Walter Waltermelon but just as he was wondering what to have for lunch, his friend from down the road, Barry the (yellow) Giraffe arrived as his door and asked if Walter would like to share with him the loaf of bread he had baked that morning.

Walter was delighted to and, spreading lovely yellow Guernsey butter all over a slice, tucked into his lunch.  Moments later though he turned off-white with fear as he realised what had just happened.  Slowly he turned to Barry and, without any of the usual radiant happiness in his voice asked him what was in the bread.  Barry began listing the ingredients, unaware of what was going on.  Halfway through the list he realised what he had done.  He had put banana in the bread.  Embarrassed he turned and fled from Walter’s house as fast as he could go.

Walter sat and worried.  The reason was this: due to an unfortunate allergy Walter could not eat banana.  The consequences were bad, terrible, unthinkable because when Walter eats a banana he becomes…. Walter Lemon, his anagramistic alter-ego!  The effects usually lasted for about a week and Walter became sour, oddly shaped and smelt funny.  It was just as well he didn’t lose his yellow colour or he would really go crazy.  There was little he could do to reverse the effects and so he thought it would be better to hide in a bed of post it notes for a week until the effects had worn off.  He felt very miserable but he wasn’t angry with Barry (Walter knew how forgetful and dizzy Barry could be and put it down to his head being so far from the rest of his body.  He knew that Barry felt very sorry for what he had done and he had already forgiven him).  Minutes later, Walter decided that he should stop feeling sorry for himself and that he should go and see Walter Watermelon anyway as it would take a few hours for the effects of the banana to kick in.

He walked through the cornfields to the forest and to Walter Watermelon’s house.  He felt very out of place in the forest as everything was green and he felt like he stuck out like a sore thumb (maybe one that’s been bruised and the bruise has turned yellow?).  Walter Watermelon welcomed him in and Walter shielded his eyes from the horrible bright décor of Walter’s house, a garish pink and green attempt (Walter thought that there was something odd about Walter Watermelon’s obsession with the colour of his own skin and innards but he put up with it.  Him and Walter had been friends since the beginning of school when they had found that they shared the same name and had found it fascinating.  Still, Walter put Walter Waltermelon’s oddness down to his first name being so similar to the beginning of his surname which he felt had mentally scarred his friend.  What had his parents been thinking?).

Walter told his friend about his condition and Walter Watermelon sympathised with him and decided that he would try and cheer him up.  He told Walter that he was going to take him off to Subway to enjoy a sandwich before he had to go home and hide.  As they walked down the street Walter looked disdainfully at any lemons they passed along the way.  Walter Watermelon tried to apologise to those who looked offended at that but lemons being so sour and horrible they didn’t accept the apology.  Be warned: lemons are vile creatures that are not to be approached.  Walter Watermelon chose a spot to cross the road where they could use a traffic island and this cheered up Walter a little.  He was still not sure that this was a good idea but when he saw the yellow Subway sign he knew that it would help a little, although he could already feel the sourness seeping into his soul and he was sure there was a lump on his head emerging.  Once they got into Subway, Walter made a beeline for the fridge and helped himself to a lovely bottle of orange juice.  Miraculously orange turns yellow in juice.  Fantastic!  When they got to the counter Walter found that he was confused.  He made his order and thought that would be it.  Alas, no.  The small man in the yellow apron behind the counter seemed to keep asking him questions.  Did he want cheese?  Walter looked at the lovely yellow cheese behind the counter and answered yes immediately.

The man added cheese to the sandwich.  Would he like added yellow bits?  Yes of course was Walter’s reply.  Would he like all of the salad?  Walter, feeling overwhelmed by the questions instinctively answered yes.  Walter Watermelon by this point was stood laughing his (pink and green striped) socks off at Walter’s confusion.  Beginning to worry about his sandwich now he tried to see what the man was putting into it.  He could see all kinds of things going in and a big smile swept across his face as he saw the man add rubber duck, yellow pepper, bee, connect 4 pieces, banana- Ah, no banana please, Walter told the man.  But more bee if you’ve got it.  The man got back to work adding more bee as instructed, and also mustard, sweetcorn and creme egg creme.  Walter paid for the sandwich and sat down at a table.  When Walter Watermelon got back from the counter Walter showed off to him his lovely yellow sandwich.  It was a very odd sandwich but then Walter supposed that this was what you got for saying yes to questions in Subway.

Walter Watermelon was glad to see his friend looking so happy again and they both tucked into their sandwiches.  As he ate an odd thing happened to Walter the Melon.  He could feel all the sourness which had been building up inside him seeping away and he was sure that the lump was getting smaller.  When he finished eating he looked at his watch and realised that it was three hours since he ate banana and he hadn’t turned into a lemon!

Why?  How had it happened?  Walter was stumped but Walter Watermelon had an answer for him – he had eaten so many good yellow things that it had flushed all the bad banana-nesss out of his system.  He was cured!  The two friends skipped home happily many hours later after a large number of orange juices at the pub.  The stars shone a bright yellow in the sky and on the empty road Walter happily walked along the double yellow lines, hopping from one to the other.  They went back to Walter’s house and decided to watch episodes of the Simpsons all night long.  Lots of lovely yellow orange juice was drunk, so much so that none of them really remembered much in the morning.

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