Things are not good. We are both tired and broken. Have no energy.
All we want is enough hot water so we can have a shower each and then head out for a nice meal. I turn on the tap and get a cold stream – I try to rub it with my hands, knowing this won’t warm it up, but feeling as though it should.
Outside it is never quite dry. An infinite rain keeps on, the sky delivers one raindrop every minute, just as the second hand ticks round to the top of the clock.
Then a downpour every Wednesday, for the duration of the Wednesday.
Bright hot sunshine the rest of the time, too much really.
I go out for walks, just for a change of scene, but see nothing unusual. The pavements are full of obstacles. Groups of joggers run past me and I worry they are running away from something I should be running away from too. Or dogs and dog walkers are meeting on a corner for some poochdrunk love-in, leads criss-crossing the pavement like an unsolved murder. Otherwise it’ll just be someone driving moronically or parking their car insensibly.
When I sleep, I dream the numberplates of that day’s inconsiderate motorists.
It feels as though we have opted out of the passing of time. We don’t really think any longer about what date it is or where we are in the month or the year.
I bring some flowers home and you say thank you thank you thank you oh thank you. We put them in water. I’m hoping that we can watch them slowly wilt and that will remind us about life and death. Either that or they might act as a beacon to the universe – a tease to let us back in.
The cat comes in, talking some bullshit about what it has been doing, what it wants now. We forgive its impetuousness instantly.
Out on my walk I see a fat and beautifully coloured beetle in the middle of the path and my first thought is that for months and months I have not seen anything like this, though I remember a time some time back when every time I set foot outside I would notice some remarkable bird or insect.
This might be nothing.
But I have to knock on the door of a random house and ask to borrow a pen and some scrap paper, just so I can write this down.