Piece written on the theme of Always / Never for Writers HQ Flash Face Off for the week commencing 4th May. I will be reading this as part of an event on Crowdcast at 9pm this evening.
Always Gonna
4am, Rick Astley is on Ciao-Ciao’s mind.
“Alllwwwaayyss gonnnnaa giiiivvve yyoooouuu uuupppp…”
The voice, demonic – slowed like a tape warped on a loop of broken heart. Astley in all-denim moving with treacle slowness, his dance a taunt. Astley gyrating in his trenchcoat in an alleyway.
“Allwwwaayyss gonnnnaa llleetttt yyoooouu ddoowwwnnnn…”
This is not dream. This is product of imagination, stuck on the brambles that grow in Ciao-Ciao’s mind, never more thorny than at this time of the night-morning. 4am in all its stillness, the bogs and marshes devoid of light or movement, only the sound of the far away fog horn emitting like a pulse.
Beside Ciao-Ciao, Albert-O (gently sniffle-snoring (which must be evidence of having settled deep (recharging (but if so, why always slow and stagnant on waking? (maybe something unsettling (many many layers in his dreaming… (the sound of The Pet Shop Boys singing over and over, “YouWereNeverOnMyMind-YouWereNeverOnMyMind…”, the sped-up vocals in a mocking chipmunk-pitch, the song never giving up) buried deep) somehow remembered on waking) as if rest only adds to woes) replenishing fears and worries) and all this hidden, disguised, made to look peaceful) long inhalations, soft exhalations) sleeps, dreams.
“Allwwwaayyss gonnnnaa rrruuuunnnn aarrroouunnnndd…”
Really stretching out the syllables, doing all he can to rub in the acute sense of doubt. Now the image has lodged in Ciao-Ciao’s head, it will not leave again or cede to sleep.
“Aaannnnddd ddeessseeerrrttt yyoooouu.”
*
Sunrise brings things to life, drags the ground back up into verdant, undulating hills. At breakfast time, whilst they share eggs and coffee, Ciao-Ciao, fractured and brittle, worries that Albert-O (sluggish, beaten) won’t put up with this much longer. That Albert-O will give Ciao-Ciao up, let Ciao-Ciao down, run around, desert. Make Ciao-Ciao cry, say goodbye, tell a lie, hurt.
As soon as Albert-O has gone to WorkRoom One to do whatever it is that Albert-O does in there (first thing – firing up the video of You Were Always On My Mind to watch over and over until Albert-O feels loved again), Ciao-Ciao goes to WorkRoom Two and digs out a copy of Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley.
When the record comes to life, the tempo is reassuringly upbeat, Rick’s voice is strong, warm, dependable. Ciao-Ciao listens five times over until sure again – Albert-O is never never never never never gonna give Ciao-Ciao up, it seems obvious in the daylight.
Digestive Press 