Honey I Shrunk The Kids At Jurassic Park

Here we have a short piece of extreme daftness.  For some reason I decided it would be fun to splice together selected extracts from the wikipedia entries describing the plots of the original Jurassic Park film and Honey I Shrunk The Kids.  This is almost entirely cut and pasted from those two sources, I have only added the conjunction or piece of punctuation to make things fit.  

HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS AT JURASSIC PARK

Industrialist John Hammond has created a theme park of cloned dinosaurs, Jurassic Park.

After a dinosaur handler is killed by a Velociraptor, the park’s investors demand that experts visit the park and certify its safety. Hammond invites a scientist and inventor named Wayne Szalinski who is attempting to create a ray gun capable of shrinking objects; his two children, teenage daughter Amy and preteen son Nick and next-door neighbors, Russ Jr. and Ron.

Upon arrival, the group is shocked to see a live Brachiosaurus.

At the park’s visitor center, Ron accidentally hits his baseball through the raptor enclosure, which inadvertently activates the machine. Ron and Nick go to retrieve the ball only for the machine to shrink them.

During lunch, the group debates the ethics of cloning, the creation of the park and the implications of genetic engineering.

Amy and Russ Jr. are shrunken when they go to check on Ron and Nick. They try to get Wayne’s attention, but their voices are too small and he is unable to hear them. Frustrated, Wayne snaps and starts smashing the machine. He then sweeps the debris and the kids into a dust pan and takes them out for a tour of the park.

The tour does not go as planned, with most of the dinosaurs failing to appear and the group encountering a sick Triceratops. It is cut short as a tropical storm approaches.

Nick falls into a flower. Russ Jr. is carried away by the park’s Tyrannosaurus rex.

Wayne discovers his machine finally works. But his happiness is only short lived when he realizes what happened to the kids and tries to find them, only to accidentally deactivate the park’s security system

Amy nearly drowns when she is knocked into a pool of mud, but Russ Jr. saves her with electric fences.

Russ Jr. becomes lost in the rain and is killed by a Dilophosaurus.

That evening, the kids take shelter in a treetop but their meal is interrupted by an ant. They later discover the broken shells of dinosaur eggs.

As night falls, the kids find a Lego block in which to camp for the night and conclude that the dinosaurs have been breeding. A scorpion, traps Ron in the Lego. The Tyrannosaurus returns to rescue Ron, but is fatally stung before the kids unite and wound the scorpion, driving it off.

Unable to reactivate the security system, Hammond and Wayne mow the lawn. The kids barely escape, seeking shelter in an earthworm burrow.

The group shuts down the park’s grid and complete the rebooting process. They discover the lawnmower has deactivated the remaining fences and released the Velociraptors.

The raptor chances upon the kids and while they are riding him into the visitor center, Nick loses his grip and falls into Wayne’s bowl of Cheerios. Wayne scoops Nick up in a spoonful of Cheerios, and unknowingly eats his own son for breakfast, pursued by the raptors in a kitchen.

Hammond calls for help.

They are cornered by the raptors, the kids are then returned to their normal sizes and the group boards a helicopter to leave the island.

Going Stopping – Stopping Going

The handles kept coming off the pans.

The food refused to cook – and when it relented, it cooked too much, too fast, too hard.

Cracks formed in the plates and bowls and the food leaked out all over the tablecloth, all over our guests.  They leapt back, brandishing cutlery that had bent out of shape as soon as they tried to use it.

We bundled all the dishes and cutlery up inside the tablecloth and kicked it into the kitchen where it lay whimpering.  It scrambled across the floor, scrabbled at the closed door and howled.

We shooed the guests out on to the verandah and tried to sozzle them with cocktails until they would parrot the jokes right back at us.

*

Guttural screams from the kitchen. The guests remain glassy-eyed but vertical and sip-sip-sip.

All is going well but then a smashing-bursting through the window and the tablecloth bundle is out there with us, rolling around in all the shatter and reminding everyone else what we really are.

This is something we have done, coming to catch up with us.

Our carelessness, our oversights, our never giving enough of a damn. Our inattention to detail made real.

The bundle growls and scrapes, shards of ceramic, gristle of meat.

The guests try to flee, in haste and offering unsatisfactory excuses.

*

But we know what will happen.

That prowling, gnashing thing and us, not acting quickly enough to avert disaster. Only a split second in which to make a decision, we might say in order to justify our inaction.

Later we will think about how we have to stop stopping in moments when something has to be done.

When we go upstairs, exhausted, we will find the bed is covered in glasses of water that must be dealt with before we can climb in.